Well friends, I’m back from the USA (about 2 weeks ago) and I have taken the following steps in order to try and catch up with 21rst century technology:
- I have purchased a decent laptop from a friend
- I have purchased a wireless router and configured it to perform like an normal internet connection
- I have revived my Xbox Live account by making the necessary adjustments to my wireless router and signing on on a semi-regular basis
- Last, but not least, I have decided to no longer take the Internet for granted and become a semi-regular blog poster.
Things have of course been crazy at work, but only the normal amount of crazy and I’m learning how to handle the work better, so overall life is good. I really loved being back in the United States (a lot more than I anticipated). And so I guess this is the beginning of the end.
In February of 2006 when I left Little Rock Arkansas in swirls of a heavy snow, I thought to myself “I never want to come back here.” Now that only applied to living, I have family in Arkansas that I love very very much and want to visit as often as possible. But the fact is that when I left the United States in 2006 bound for Hangzhou, I really had no desire to ever return. I don’t know if it was that I was fed up with politics, or being poor, of having my house wrecked by a hurricane, but there was something I was tired of and I didn’t want any more.
Well, things change I suppose. I’ve lived in China for a solid 3 years now, and I’m growing tired. I won’t say I’m tired of China, but I’m starting to miss things. I wasn’t sure what things, but after three days of being in New York, I suddenly remembered.
Last July when Elizabeth returned from 3 weeks of being in America, she seemed very disappointed to return. I didn’t really know why until I was in here shoes. Being back in American reminded me of just how … “nice” it is. The streets are clean (that’s right, I said the streets of New York City are clean. That’s just how dirty China is), the air is fresh (I was blown away by the crispness of Searcy, Arkansas air) and the water is clean (as in you can drink it from the tap). People weren’t constantly staring at me. In fact I haven’t realized that every person on the street is staring at me for quite a while, until I got to New York and no one would even look at me. I must sound like I’m just whining about creature comforts, and I suppose I am, but really none of that made me want to come back to America.
In July of last year I became a manager. Now this is not as fancy as it sounds. I had 3 teachers plus myself that formed the ICT team at our college. Managing other people is a headache, but trying to manage technology in a Chinese government organization it life threatening. I went through a lot of frustration trying to get very basic systems put into place so I could 1) manage the basic office work that goes with my job and 2) provide the absolute most basic technology education. There are a lot of dirty details here that nobody wants to hear, but here’s the lesson learned. In a communist system, there is no initiative.
And I think that’s what makes me want to give up and go home more than anything. When you ask for something in China, the answer is “yes” or “maybe”. “Maybe”, as you might guess means “no”, but it means more than that. “Maybe” means “I could probably find out, and give you what you want, but that’s not my job, and helping you would require me to think, and that’s not a skill I have been equipped with being raised in communist China”. I don’t blame any single person who has told me “maybe”, because it is so natural to say it, I’m sure not even the people saying it know the real implications behind it. The way people are educated and trained here is that you copy your masters. So if a teacher teaches you something, you do it that way exactly. If you were trained with a certain skill, you do it exactly as you were shown. If some sort of variable enters into the equations that you have not been shown how to handle, the equation becomes impossible and so you just say “maybe”.
I suppose what I’m really saying is that living in China is just too much work. China is just difficult. It all became very clear to me when I walked down the street in New York city. Walking down Broadway was the epitome of being back in the United States. The streets were wide and well kept. People politely moved aside when your paths crossed. The chaos of pedestrian traffic still seemed orchestrated and comfortable. The air was clean and clear. I could walk at a full pace for miles in a straight line, only having to stop for the occasional traffic light.
When I walk to work each day through the streets of Nanjing, the streets are caked in the thick sludge of old garbage. The sidewalks are of varying sizes; the widest being large enough to serve as a motorcycle lane, the smallest being a mere foot and a half wide, barely enough to walk one person abreast. Most often I am forced to walk in the street because the sidewalk is blocked by trees, parked bikes, and street vendors. I walk centimeters away from passing cars and trucks as I walk amongst traffic. I swerve from side to side to avoid people that, although they are staring at me as if I was an alien, can’t be bothered to move 4 inches to the left or right to avoid slamming into me.
So when am I coming home? I don’t know. From this post you probably think that I hate China, and that’s not true. There are still many things that I love about China, but they are just slowly being overtaken by the frustration of China. My contract will end in July of 2009. I won’t ask for another contract. I won’t look for another job here. There’s the question of will I even stay that long, but I’d like to be prepared to come home. But for the moment, I’ll just say I’m thinking about it.
